The gubernatorial moonwalk that could have been…

On Saturday afternoon Pam Northam denied this country—and perhaps the world—an opportunity that it may never see again… But let’s start on Friday.

In case you didn’t know, there is a diversionary and stalling tactic used by politicians called the “Friday news dump.” Basically, if there is unfavorable news that will inevitably come out, politicians will release it on Friday afternoon in hopes that it will either get lost or become irrelevant by Monday.

On this past Friday afternoon, a yearbook photo of two men in costume was released to the press. One of the costumes was KKK robes, the other was blackface and one of the men was said to be Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. Now, keep in mind, this was a medical school yearbook, so Northam would’ve been 25 years old at the time.

Again, normally what happens when this sort of thing drops on a Friday is that it would grab a couple headlines and capture the fancy of a couple talking heads. Then over the weekend 45 would get caught sweet talking a Vladimir Putin real doll or trying to kick the nuclear football and come Monday the pundits would’ve forgotten all about it. If Northam would’ve laid low for a couple of months Virginia would’ve forgotten about it, too. But Northam didn’t lay low. Instead, he did the right thing. He owned it.

“I am deeply sorry for the decision I made to appear as I did in this photo and for the hurt that decision caused then and now. This behavior is not in keeping with who I am today and the values I have fought for throughout my career in the military, in medicine, and in public service. But I want to be clear, I understand how this decision shakes Virginians’ faith in that commitment.”

Exactly right. This is what we need to expect from not only our leaders, but ourselves. If we ever expect to actually be one nation representing one citizenry, then we need to fearlessly hold ourselves accountable and that accountability needs to be second nature for our leaders. Good for Gov. Ralph Northam.

And then Saturday came. And it came in hot.

Northam held a press conference and it was just so weird. First of all, he took back his admission, claiming that he actually wasn’t in the photo. So, you know, say goodbye to any public worth he may have ever had, but it didn’t stop there. Nope, then Northam admitted to having worn blackface before, but said it was for a Michael Jackson impression he did for a competition that he won because he can moonwalk. Yeah. Now, personally, I don’t know how many times you gotta wear blackface in front of a camera in order to get confused about which particular instance is being spoken about at any particular time, but however many that is, apparently, Northam got there. Congrats on winning that minstrel contest, though!

At one point, he started explaining that he’d already apologized to his Black “close friend” (who had also been his assistant) about the whole thing, saying, “And I said, ‘You know what, Seth, I appreciate you being open with me. I apologize for what I’ve done in the past. And I can promise you I’ll never do that again in the future.’”

The implication seemed to be that “Seth” our democratically elected POB (Pope of Blackness) had already officially absolved Ralph of his sins and that the press conference was just a kindness he was paying the rest of us for the sake of formality.

Honestly, the press conference was just too crazy to completely cover here. There are some pretty great summaries out there, but I want to draw focus to one particular moment.

The moonwalk moment.

A reporter brings up that dance contest again and asks Northam if he is still able to moonwalk. Northam starts nodding and looking around for an open space on the floor. Then he sees one, continues to nod, begins to smile, turns back to the reporter and…

And then Pam Northam denied this country—and perhaps the world—an opportunity that it may never see again. As her husband, the actual elected governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia, is nodding and smiling, seeming to be in actual contemplation of stepping from behind the podium into the open and moonwalkable space on the floor, Pam Northam says, “Inappropriate circumstances.” This prompts Ralph to turn back to the reporter, put his hand on his wife’s shoulder and say, “My wife says ‘Inappropriate circumstances’.”

This really happened. It’s truly an incredible moment by itself, but imagine that Pam was there in simple solidarity with Ralph instead of as his much-needed handler. Imagine that she had not interrupted her husband. Imagine that the desperation Gov. Northam felt in that moment drove him from the podium into that open and moonwalkable space. Now imagine that he moonwalked—not the actual moonwalk, but that dumb, shitty thing that old, white dads do at weddings or at home in their socks.

Imagine him scooting backward, half hunched over, slow-flapping his arms in time with his legs and craning his neck forward and back all the while smiling like the doofus he’d spent the last hour proving himself to be.

Can you see it? Now imagine what the country would be able to see at that moment. Imagine the act of watching this absolute fool debase himself increasingly with each step became a sort of national mirror that we could no longer avoid seeing ourselves in. Imagine millions of faces lit up by their phones as they watch Gov. Ralph Northam demean himself and the rest of us into understanding that hatred is not the only motivator for harm. That, while the president and his ilk are deliberate in their actions against women and minorities, in fact it is convenience that motivates the most harm. While hatred certainly created slavery and Jim Crow and redlining, convenience allowed for them to continue. Convenience allows for continued segregation of all types. Convenience allows for freedom fighters’ legacies to be whitewashed into passivity and presidents to be appointed without the will of the people.

And it is convenience that allows white men like 45 and Northam to behave in the exact same, shameless ways for the exact same, shameless reasons despite an overtly obvious difference in potential.

Imagine the sudden, nationwide realization of the evils of this kind of convenience and the change that could come by the sudden rejection of a system that only offers that convenience to some! That realization is the opportunity lost to us by Pam Northam.

Let the man moonwalk, Pam!

Or not. I don’t know. National reckonings are rarely that nuanced, I guess. Anyway, the point is more figuratively than literally it’ll be nice to see him moonwalk his way right out of office. And the good news is that whether Northam is forced out or steps down, this is who will so poetically replace him as governor.

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The lies can mount, but whiteness still prevails

Late Thursday night last week, Buzzfeed broke the story that the president is doing that shit we all thought he was doing. We’ve pretty much known since November.

Cue the avalanche of think pieces proclaiming yet again that this is the beginning of the end for 45. Finally, this is the lie that the American People will not tolerate! But then Friday comes and objections emerge from Mueller’s office and I can’t help but wonder if any of this even matters.

The question seems to be “Has the president committed a crime?” Well, there are problems with that question. First of all, we’re conflating illegal and immoral. Some of us know who he’s always been and hate it, and some of us are OK with that and wish he’d be a little more of himself. Two versions of right and wrong, but there aren’t two versions of legal and illegal. Of course, that’s no great equalizer as so often the difference is decided by corporations and the wealthy elite. (For other examples of moral/legal differences involving the will of the rich and powerful, please see: Jim Crow, Slavery, Native American Genocide.)

In the end, it comes down to what 45 symbolizes, which is whiteness.

I know, I know. Hang on, hang on! Whiteness?

Yup. Whiteness. Again. But if that word gets in your way, try to think of it as permission. Like if you’re white, you have permission not to be pulled over for the color of your skin. Or if you are white and get pulled over, you have permission not to be killed for your skin color. Or if you’re convicted of a crime, you have permission to get out of jail well before a Black person who has been convicted of the same crime. You get the idea.

Anyway, yes, the president symbolizes whiteness. It’s the apparently invisible through-line for his entire political party. Some republicans will justify their political stances with their Christianity. Others with ideas about fiscal conservatism and others still with some kind of semi-patriotic notion of defending a noble, fly-over, white working class. That was all perfectly plausible right up until they voted for an east coast elite with an exclusive personal history of fiscally irresponsible extravagance and at the very least amorality when it comes to lifestyle.

I know I keep saying this, but…

For five years before he even ran, 45 got in front of every camera he could find, pointed at the Black president and screeched all about how that n*gger ain’t from around here!If you didn’t know anything else about his politics—which you didn’t because he’d been on both sides of every other issue—you knew that.

The hope is that it’s unsustainable. Like, stacking the religious lies and the fiscal lies and the cultural lies of the party, and then the individual lies of the politicians, and then the personal lies of the members and finally, the infinite amount of lies of the president will create some sort of Tower of Babel situation and the whole thing will come crashing down.

That could be true. It’s probably not, but it could be. In the end, whiteness—that is, giving legal and social permission based on skin color—should be a crime, but instead it’s the glue that holds the tower together. And as long as 45 continues to be that glue, I can’t see any limit to the heights he can climb.

On the bright side, just before Rome fell, rather than the wealthy admit the end, they allowed the poor to fall into such desperation as to cannibalize one another!

Wait. That’s not a bright side.

Maybe there’s no bright side.

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Racism really only goes one direction mostly

Remember when white people thought that Obama’s election meant we got rid of racism? Remember how cute that was? Well, I hope you’re getting ready for some more cuteness! Whenever 45 leaves office you won’t even be able to count the number of talking heads and think pieces talking all about how we got rid of racism again! But you can bet your post-racial ass that that’s not how any of this works.

All things are not even. Racially motivated attacks went up when Obama was elected. Then 45 got elected and what do you think happened?

They went down.

Just kidding. They went up the next fucking day because it only ever goes in one direction.


Last week, while at work, a young, Black woman was attacked by a white man. The woman, Yasmine James, was employed by McDonald’s and the white man was a customer, demanding a plastic straw. Here’s CNN’s article about it.

The first line is, “A new plastic straw law had unexpected consequences when a man lashed out at a worker at a fast food chain.”

Now, first of all, you know goddamn well that his lashing out was a very expected consequence of a misogynist and racist culture of violence, but CNN doesn’t see that. Even looking right at it, the most open minds seem to only say, “Good for her! She got her shots!” But that’s a problem, too.

In that statement is the idea that Black women are tougher than the rest. We accept that idea on falsely natural terms, without any type of context. We never ask why that could possibly be. We don’t consider that a system’s neglect and persecution would force some to either die or defend themselves against the terror and abuses unseen by those with systemic protections. No, instead we look on with idiotic admiration as though that’s just the beauty of Mother Nature’s obvious intentions. We don’t protect Black women. We arrogantly and condescendingly applaud from a soothing distance while they, alone are compelled to protect themselves.

By accepting the idea that Black women are naturally (or genetically) tougher, we accept the idea that they do not need the rights and protection guaranteed to them as people. In so doing, we also remove their humanity, implying that they don’t even experience natural human emotions, like fear.

So, sure, she whooped his ass. And, yes, it’s because she’s a badass, but that is beside the point. The point is that it is unacceptable to require that of her or any other Black woman.


Imagine a small, belligerent man. Imagine him yelling in the face of a much bigger man. Imagine the much bigger man being very patient with the small, belligerent man. The much bigger man tells the small, belligerent man to walk away, but he refuses and continues being belligerent. You’ve probably seen something like this before. You know how it turns out. Usually the much bigger, formally patient man takes the small, belligerent man, puts him out like a cigarette and you wonder why the small, belligerent man ever thought it could’ve gone any other way.

Now imagine the same scenario from the beginning, except the much bigger man is a police officer. Now imagine the much bigger police officer is telling the small, belligerent man to walk away because he’s obstructing an investigation. But the small, belligerent man refuses, saying something like, “I’m gonna stand right here and talk however I want because this is fucking America!” Or something like, “Back up offa me, bitch!”?

This one’s a little harder to visualize. Not only could this much bigger cop put the small, belligerent man out like a cigarette, but, you know, the police kill about a thousand people a year because they’re pretty much allowed to. It’s kind of a silly situation to imagine, but that’s me. I’m a Black man. Every run-in I have with the police I do my level best to get through as easily as possible. Even if I was white, though, I still don’t think I could believe that the state-sanctioned power of my skin color would out match the cop’s state-sanctioned license to kill.

But what if I was white and the cop was Black? Could my skin tone allow me to then behave as though I had authority over any Black man despite his station in life? I mean, yeah. Absolutely. I could totally see that. And so can you, right here.

Yup. That happened. A small, belligerent, white man was told by a much bigger, Black cop at least five times to “keep walking” because he was obstructing an investigation. And the small, belligerent, white man refused.

What if the possession of the badge been reversed? How many times do you think that command would’ve been given before the gun came out?

The small, belligerent, probably drunk, white man resisted arrest. A lot. Again, reverse possession of the badge and how much resistance happens before the gun comes out? We don’t need to reverse it. We’ve seen it. A disproportionate amount of times. This situation is the reversal.

Whiteness allowed that small, belligerent—probably drunk—white man to obstruct a police investigation, defy police commands, curse out a police officer to his face, resist arrest and survive just the same as it allowed that motherfucker in McDonalds to assault Yasmine James.

Whiteness allowed that same motherfucker in McDonald’s to later call the cops and falsely claim he had been robbed by a group of Black people just the same as it allowed that small, belligerent, probably drunk, white man to talk on the radio like he’s giving his own arrest a goddamn Yelp review.

And whiteness makes me wonder if Yasmine and the cop will get to keep their jobs because, like I said before: This really only ever goes in one direction.

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